Identity

He is a contradiction
obsessed with cleaning to keep his kids safe
but separated from his family
because his wife could no longer deal
with the late night hoovering
Obsessed with meticulous cleanliness
but a smoker
a habit that in his words is ‘dirty’
He is conflicted
between disinfection and affection
multiples of cleaning fluids under the sink
bowed cupboards weighed down
by hoarded food for when his kids visit
The boxes of neatly stacked antidepressants
‘won’t help to bring his family back together

This project marked for me the first time in a long while, colour printing in a darkroom. Last time was probably 18 years ago, when I would be colour printing almost every day. I thought shooting analogue would have really inspired me and pulled me back in, but honestly it was an unsatisfying experience. Love the feel of the equipment, particularly the Hasselblad and disappearing into the dark for hours at a time, however the lack of control that I have compared to digital is frustrating.

Shot in natural light on a Hasselblad 501cm with 80mm Carl Zeiss, at f/2.8, 1/30 sec ISO 100 on Kodak Portra 160. Printed at the Northern Centre of Photography in Sunderland on Fuji Crystal Archive Lustre.