Missing the simplicity of this place. The days went so slowly. No electricity or running water, a million miles from anywhere, candle lit conversation and phones relegated to redundancy. Since I returned home the days are disappearing at an incredible rate.
Taken very early morning, lit by moonlight ( inspired by the work of @bamford_alex ).The night was absolutely still and was coloured by the ever so slight presence of Aurora. So peaceful you could almost hear the trees breath.
@intrepidexpeditionsuk
@vetrun180
#cabininthewoods
#adventure
#adventuretherapy
#forest
#amazingplaces
#ukpotd
#sweden
#swedishlandscape
#cabinlife
#tripofalifetime
My workspace. This room used to be the place I hid from the world. I spent three years here, staring at a screen trying to find an answer to the turmoil in my head.
Things changed when I accepted creativity back into my life and I began to pull myself back together. In this room I created a plan of how my wife Suzanna and I would spend the rest of our lives and I started to make things happen.
In Dec 2018 the darkness came back. Within a matter of weeks my wife lost a very short battle with cancer and I lost all meaning in my life. For the following year, every day was a battle. I could no longer see a point to anything.
In August 2019 I was offered an expedition with veterans charity @vetrun180 .Right up until the last minute I was resisting. A call from Matt Abbott made the difference. His positivity and passion really gave me the push that I needed.
The trip was fantastic. It was the first time in a long time that I felt I was in the right place. I got more out of the trip filming and photographing the other guys than I did from the activity itself, but I came away overflowing with inspiration.
As I drove home, I had to pull over. I was in floods of tears. The trip was the best thing that had happened to me in a while and I was returning to an empty house. Instead I went and spent hours walking in the hills to avoid the journey home.
For the next few months I threw myself back into work occasionally getting short bursts of enjoyment, but ultimately, every day returning to an empty house and unable to see a point to anything.
Mid January I received an unexpected phone call from Vetrun180. Do I want to go on a trip to Sweden? Of course I did. That trip was last week.
For the last couple of days I’ve sat in my room again, editing together a film for Vetrun. As I’ve gone through the footage, I’ve smiled and laughed and been lifted by the memories from both trips. Since I left the Army 18 years ago it’s the first time I felt accepted.
More than that though, editing this film is the first time since my wife died that I truly feel that I have a purpose and that there is a point to the work I am doing.
#veterans
#mentalhealth
#veteranshelpingveterans
Working through my final degree project with fellow students at @sunderlanduni .
The project currently titled 'unspoken' is about my wife Suzanna losing her short battle with cancer in 2018.
The last year or so has been incredibly difficult and up until we lay these images on the table, I wasn't sure it was right to do this project. Hearing other people's opinions and views proved to me the project was worth continuing.
Thank you to everyone who was present including Photographer Peter Fryer, @aliedge_ , @kezbeautyman98 @lesatarn, @micaonfilm @gramgooch
@sunderlandcreative
@nephotonetwork
@northerncentreofphotography
#photographyexhibition
#cancer
#cancerawareness
#iok2nbok
#mentalhealth
#memories
#photographer
#documentaryphotography
#photographydegree
#universityofsunderland
End of another amazing trip with @vetrun180 . A week of adventure in Sweden with a group of other military veterans. An honour to spend time with an inspirational group of guys who have really helped me with my journey, while moving on with their own.
It's the first time since I left the army that I've felt comfortable enough to talk about my past. Thanks guys for being there to listen, to discuss, to genuinely care and to provide some of the best laughs I've had in a long time.
Brilliant meeting you all, looking forward to seeing you all again in the future.
@vetrun180
@intrepidexpeditionsuk
@sy1four
@dave.radband
@cojeenius_the_spectre
@joey1leg_
@k.raffs
@ion2bok
#veterans
#veteranshelpingveterans
#sweden
#swedishlandscape
#military
#militaryveteran
#britisharmy
#royalmarines
#motivation
#mentalhealth
#memories
Amazing winter landscapes in Sweden with @vetrun180 who support military veterans through adventure therapy. This awe inspiring place is the perfect location for both adventure and relaxation with like minded people.
@intrepidexpeditionsuk
#veterans
#veteranshelpingveterans
#militaryveteran
#sweden
#swedishlandscape
#adventuretherapy
#adventure
#veteransupport
#therapy
#mentalhealth
#britisharmy
#britisharmedforces
#royalmarines
#winterlandscape
#scandinavia
#soldier
#ptsd
Another day of adventure therapy for veterans in Sweden with @vetrun180 .
The cabin has no electricity or running water and lit by candle light and heated by log fire, perfect getaway from the pressures of modern life. Outside during the day temperatures are around -15c, at night and drops to -20 and below.
@vetrun180
@intrepidexpeditionsuk
#sweden
#swedishlandscape
#snowmobiles
#veterans
#veteranshelpingveterans
#militaryveteran
#britisharmy
#britisharmedforces
#royalmarines
#adventuretherapy
First day in Sweden with @vetrun180
#landscapephotography
#sweden
#swedishlandscape
#militaryveteran
#scandinavia
#veteranshelpingveterans
#motivation
#adventuretherapy
#adventure
#abstractphotography
First day in Sweden with @vetrun180
@intrepidexpeditionsuk
@sy1four
@dave.radband
#expedition
#sweden
#veterans
#ukveterans
#veteranshelpingveterans
#adventuretherapy
#britisharmedforces
#royalmarines
#britisharmy
#snowmobiles
#militaryveteran
I rarely post images of myself, this is the first I have posted on instagram. It was shot at Slaley Forest in Northumberland as part of a project called 'Artist?' Three years studying at The University of Sunderland has been spent working out how I want my practice as a photographer to progress in the future, how my work fits into the art world and whether I can or should call myself an artist.
For this project I have spoken to people who I perceive to be 'artists' to gain an understanding of where I fit.
@sunderlanduni
@sunderlandcreative
@nephotonetwork
@northerncentreofphotography
#portrait
#photography
#artist
#artistsoninstagram
#universityofsunderland
#Northumberland
#photographer
#environmentalportrait
#slaleyforest
Superb morning at @3dstrength in Darlington, being put through my paces. I was offered the opportunity while filming a few weeks ago to return to 'train' with the strong men and women at the gym. It was a very different type of training to what I've done in a while. This shot is of Ben Williams @ben_strongman one of the regulars at 3D Strength.
#strongmantraining
#strongman
#strongmanmotivation
#athlete
#sportsphotographer
#sportsphotography
#sport
#strengthsports
#gymphotography
#Darlington
#northeastengland
Brilliant catching up with artist Kathryn Thompson after several years. Kathryn is a community artist working in a variety of media including felt which can be seen in the image.
Part of a project on artists for the final year of my degree at the University of Sunderland.
@sunderlandcreative
@nephotonetwork
@northerncentreofphotography
@kathryn0509
#artist
#art
#communityartist
#environmentalportrait
#northeastengland
#northeastartist
#creativeminds
#portraitphotography
Just a few of the people who have contributed to my 2019. Thank you to all of you and the positive impact you have had. I look forward to seeing you all again in 2020
A few images from my 'Watling Wood' project last year to wish a peaceful and stress free Christmas to all my family, friends, colleagues and collaborators. Looking forward to an adventurous year ahead.
#christmas
#winter
#snow
#watlingwood
#countydurham
#gloriousbritain
#britishlandscape
#winterwonderland
#landscapephotography
#englandsbigpicture
#england
#capturingbritain
#ukpotd
#ukscenery
Willow Burn Hospice, December 2018.
A year ago today my wife Suzanna gave up her final breath. It marked the end of a lifetime of remarkable memories, marred by the pain of her final twenty days. In those final days I witnessed the true nature of humanity, people making decisions that affected someone else’s life, choosing not to do their best, not to do what was right, being uncaring in ways that I couldn’t believe people could be. In the following months I was subjected to lies, death threats and people who claimed to be there for me no matter what, turning their backs on me.
All this happened after I had struggled through eight years of severe mental health problems, I couldn’t imagine being without Suzanna, who had supported me through that time. I dedicated my life to her, she was my reason for living. In March I hit an all time low. There were no good days. Every morning was filled with the dread of what was going to happen next. Every day something even worse happened than the previous day.
I prepared to put an end to it all. Completely alone in the house, kids away for the weekend, the plan in motion, when unexpectedly my daughter walked into the house. It stopped me in my tracks, made me rethink the decision, if she had been minutes later, she would have had to deal with the fallout. It woke me up, shook me momentarily from my grief and made me determined to change direction.
In the last six months things have changed significantly. I have become driven again in the way I was years ago, I have become extremely passionate about the work that I do and have started achieving in the ways I used to. Most importantly I am surrounding myself with like minded people, people who are passionate and thoughtful and who give a damn that I am here.
I won’t name them. Those people know who they are, if you are in doubt, if I have spent more than a few hours chatting with you or working with you in the last year, then you are part of the reason I am still here. You are making life worth living for me.
#cancer
#cancerresearch
#grief
#griefawareness
#lifepartner
#life
#hospice
#willowburnhospice
#documentaryphotography
#cancersucks
A few shots from yesterday's training session with the @3dstrength team. Nothing better than working with passionate people.
#strongmantraining
#strongman
#sportsphotographer
#sportsphotography
#Darlington
#northeastengland
#powerlifting
#fitness
#fitnessmotivation
#sport
#athlete
#strengthsports
@xploape
@monkeynutrition
@savagesupplementsreborn
@spartan_performance_
Great morning at @spartan_performance_ filming Dale McPherson and the team from @3dstrength. The start of training for 2020.
#strongmantraining
#strongman
#sportsphotography
#sportsphotographer
#Darlington
#northeastengland
#powerlifting
#fitness
#sport
#athlete
#squats
#strengthsports
#strongmanmotivation
@xploape
@monkeynutrition
@savagesupplementsreborn
Brilliant afternoon working and talking art with the wonderful Beth J. Ross.
Part of a project on Artists for the final year of my Photography Degree at Sunderland University.
@bethjross
@sunderlandcreative
@nephotonetwork
@northerncentreofphotography
#contemporaryart
#artist
#artistsoninstagram
#northeastengland
#northshields
#northeastartist
#contemporarypainting
#britishart
#britishartists
#britishpainter
#femaleartist
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. No snow yet, but cold frosty mornings, my favourite time of year, the crispness of everything, blueness of the light, beautiful but intimidating, the cycle of life at an end ready for a new beginning in a month or two. This time of year has some harrowing memories for me. The forest is the place I let go, one of the few places I can find peace, it plays a huge role in my life.
#slaleyforest
#forest
#woodland
#Northumberland
#northeastengland
#northumberland_uk
#photography
#britain
#genuinebritain
#bestofbritish
#beautifulbritannia
#northeastcaptures
#treestagram
#tree_magic
#tree_captures
Today would have been Suzanna’s birthday. It is a year today since I last saw her away from hospital and in the ‘real world’ before she died. She made a huge effort to escape the hospital for a short time.
We travelled by car the short distance from North Durham Hospital to Wharton Park and we wandered the park for a while. The weather was very similar to what it is today, still, quiet, a bite of frost in the air. We talked about the things we intended to do more of once she was ‘out of hospital’. We held hands, sat on a bench overlooking Durham Cathedral and cuddled in to each other in the cold.
She was tiny, not only had she lost a significant amount of weight but also presence. She was exhausted. We had a cup of tea and a really badly toasted teacake in the cafe, she barely touched either.
I think she knew. It was her birthday, but I think it was all for me, perhaps to give me something to hold onto. I am overflowing with guilt about what I could have done, should have done better, that my life has become so much more than it was since she died; that as things got worse for her, they improved for me.
I struggle to hold onto the memory of her. Some days I can't remember the sound of her voice, the smell of her, the feel of her, those things I used to take for granted.
#cancer
#loss
#grief
#macmillancancersupport
#cancerresearch
#lifepartner
#memories
#durhamcity
#whartonpark
#northeastengland
#cancersucks
#cancerawareness
#stomachcancer
Inspirational frosted forest, crisp underfoot in biting blue air. An opportunity to take a break from work. The first time in so long that I've been able to shoot exclusively still images. It has reset my mind.
Making up for missing out on a trip to the woods yesterday with @alexdavidsonoutdoors
#slaleyforest
#northeastengland
#Northumberland
#tree_magic
#tree_captures
#treehunter
#tree_brilliance
#fiftyshadesofnature
#treestagram
#nature_lovers
#treelove
#treescape
#forest